Karlyn Morissette

Let me guess: The college you work at has outstanding academics, dedicated faculty, small class sizes, competitive athletics, robust campus life with lots of clubs (and students can create their own if you don’t have the one they want), and a great campus that is located in the most perfect location for a college student ever.  And all of your marketing materials highlight these “distinct” points.

Am I close?

The problem, of course, is that every other college in the country is marketing these same points. And they all think that these points are differentiators.

Take this test: List the top five things that you think sets your institution apart from competitors. Then give them to a friend that doesn’t work in higher education and ask them the first college that pops into their mind when they read those points. If they don’t say your school, or say it with a knowing smirk on their face, then you have a problem.

Better yet, when you list those points, make an honest assessment of them yourself.

Some would argue that branding is irrelevant, but I couldn’t disagree more when it comes to colleges, particularly if those colleges don’t have a good sense of who they are or what makes them stand out in the marketplace. A solid brand assessment can help you find the things that make you truly stand out, and then show you how to utilize them to your best advantage.

Every college has things that set them apart from their competitors, and students those attributes appeal do. Identify those unique characteristics and own them. Don’t go after every high school senior in the country - go after the ones that are best suited to what you offer.

All else being equal, a prospect is likely to base their final college decision on price. Why let it get to that point? Find your true differentiators and set your institution apart from the beginning.

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This has nothing to do with higher ed or marketing or ineffiency or ROI.

It’s just funny.

Enjoy!

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I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That’s enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f *** was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that’s is when I realized, yup, that’s a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

I know, I know.  I’ve been absent the past few weeks - between finishing up my job at Dartmouth, starting my job at Fire Engine RED part time, keeping on top of my work with DoJo clients and doing a bunch of stuff for Champlain before I begin my adjunct faculty gig there, to say I’ve been busy would be an understatement.

But I did want to make sure that, on the occasion of my last day of work for a college full-time, that I took time to post my reflections about my seven year journey through higher education.

Higher education has it benefits: The environment, free classes/degrees, the vacation days, retirement, health care, discount gym memberships, not working for “the man”…there are lots of valid reasons to take a salary that might be a bit lower than what you would get in the corporate sector to work in this industry.  I got my MBA virtually free and clear so I certainly can’t complain.

But this year was different, as many colleges also experienced layoffs due to the economy.  At Dartmouth, that sent morale, among the people I talked to, into a tailspin - no one knew if the layoffs were over and if their job would be safe if there was a next round.  I was never worried about my job - the web is one of the safest things to work on when people are trying to save money since they instantly think of moving stuff to the web - but it was still an odd and startling experience for me that made me rethink things.

If the corporate world operated like higher education does, capitalism would come to a grinding halt. Imagine what the iPod would look like if it was designed in a higher ed environment? A little like this, perhaps?

(let’s be honest - higher ed would take the Microsoft iPod to a whole new level…)

Egos, egos everywhere: We all have egos.  They aren’t inherently a bad thing. But when someone honestly thinks the world revolves around them…and that they are better than everyone else they work with at every possible thing….then those individuals become toxic to their environment. They lower morale, and make it near impossible to get anything meaningful done. Now, this is certainly not unique to higher education, but what I do think is interesting is how many of us have had experience with people like this…who may or may not be very good at their jobs…and yet rise to positions of authority where they dictate at their whim.  Everyone around them may know that they’re wrong, and that they have no business being in that position, but no one ever does anything about it. And so they stay. And eventually people get tired of it and quit because of it. How many fantastic people has your college lost because they simply couldn’t stand working there any longer?

When more than one person has complained about a problem child…and there are documented instances of that person acting against the best interests of the organization (either purposefully or because they aren’t very good at their jobs), then it is the college’s responsibility to do something because not doing something will probably have far worse results.

But keeping a positive attitude can trump all that: It sounds cliche, but just not letting all the bullshit get to me has helped me through the past several months.  Now I’ve had experience at two different schools working directly with people like I’ve described above. The first time, I let it get to me. Big time. I lost all of the confidence I had worked for years to build up, became severely depressed and a bit of an alcoholic. After I left that job, things drastically improved - I had my life back again. Then the same BS started happening all over again.  But this time was different - I didn’t let it consume my life or define my self-worth. Instead, I focused on things that were good for me, and the people I liked working with. Pretty soon, the person who was the thorn in my side became irrelevant. Sure, they were still there…acting out irrationally…but it didn’t matter. I expected them to try to hurt me, and so it wasn’t a surprise or a shock to my system when they did. I just put a smile on my face and went on with the rest of my day.

By the way, if you find yourself in a situation like this, don’t for a minute think that you “need” your boss to get out of it. They might threaten to withhold references blah blah blah…but if you’re good at what you do, then they don’t have the power in the situation. I have gotten many-a-job without my boss’s reference (and, yes, before this blog became popular too).  Plus, you can always get references from other people you work with (even better, get them to publicly endorse you on LinkedIn, then put their quotes in your resume). Just be honest with your prospective employers about the situation - you’re leaving a toxic working environment for reasons a, b and c…but you’ve also learned x, y, z from the situation. Most employers will understand better than you think they will.

If I had it to do over again, would I? Yes. Through working for colleges full time has certain given me my fair share of headaches, I’ve gained an invaluable amount of experience, not to mention a free MBA. This is only going to make me better at the job I’m going to do at Fire Engine RED.  But I don’t know how long I ever would have lasted working for colleges full time, because I don’t blindly buy into the system as it is.  I have this crazy idea that when things aren’t working as well as they could, someone should say so and at least acknowledge a problem exists.

So on Monday, I join the “evil vendor” ranks.  My official title will be Senior Copywriter and Client Marketing Specialist. I woke up this morning feeling better and more excited than I’ve felt in months. I feel like I’ve “found my people” with Fire Engine RED.  I’ve been working with them part time for a little bit now and have been nothing with impressed in the team they’ve put together.  This was one of the easiest decisions for me to make in the world, and I have not second guessed it once.

But don’t worry - I won’t be trying to sell you guys anything in any of my upcoming presentations!

Since I put out my request on Twitter yesterday for suggestions for the Imminent Departure series, I’ve been inundated with DMs and emails from people sharing stories about the insane things that happen at their institution.  I’m going to use several of these ideas in upcoming posts…but I want more!

Here is your chance to anonymously rail on all the things you hate about the way your institution operates.

Send me your ideas and stories about all of the absolutely absurd things that happen in higher education.  I’ll post them here and rail on them for you, without listing anything that could cause you to be individually identified by your co-workers who may happen to read this blog.

As weird as it is to me, a lot of people read this blog…maybe, just MAYBE, by bringing some of these issues to light in a candid way, we can bring about some change for the better.

To submit an idea, just email me at karlyn@karlynmorissette.com.

This is the third post in the Imminent Departure Series, my final thoughts about what I think colleges do wrong in their day-to-day operations. This is my last-ditch attempt to effect change while I still work for a college full time. Read other posts in the series here.

Yesterday I solicited ideas on Twitter for this series.  Not that I don’t have enough of my own, but I wanted to give others the chance to participate anonymously.  After all, who doesn’t love railing on the absurdities every now and again?

Here was one of my favorite comments:

The survivability of incompetence. Hard to make progress when shackled by long-term administrators who only care about themselves.

If you’ve worked at a college for any length of time, you’ve run into someone who fits this description.  They’re kind of like the loud-mouthed faculty member that is a constant thorn in your side…they don’t make up the majority but sometimes it seems like they do.

But here’s the deal…it’s easy to sit back and complain about people like this…blame them for being in you way of getting things done.  Instead, why not challenge yourself to come up with creative ways to get things done in spite of them?

If you think they are incompetent, then chances are other people you work with think the same thing, and are just as eager to work around the person as you are. That may be all you need to get the ball rolling.

You’re going to have to do some ego-placating along the way…make them think that they are really in charge of the situation…you might even have to let them take credit for some of the things you do…but ultimately, that’s the tradeoff you might have to make.

At the end of the day, don’t use people like this as an excuse.  There are ways to get around them.

Have any tips to share for situations like this? Leave a comment!

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Hire Karlyn: Karlyn is the President & Principal Consultant of DoJo Web Strategy, where she helps colleges and universities utilize the web in their marketing efforts. Find out how she can help your institution by requesting a proposal today »